This issue is something that will always be apart of me. As much as I want it to just stay away and let me move on, it never will.
I did a blog post on a very similar topic where I talked about loving yourself, and at that time I was at a place where I was very happy with my weight and how I looked. But as time went on, my mind started to drift again. I became obsessed with looking in the mirror every time I pass by it, not just to check on my hair or my face... But to lift my shirt and look at my stomach, it's still not flat.
Its so hard to be so positive about my weight and body when everyone around me is a size 2, has beautiful curves, and a great ass! Something that I do not have.
I want so badly to love myself and be 100% honest when saying, I love myself
How I wish it was that easy, to one day just wake up and not have self hate. But no, that's when it starts, early in the morning when I take off my clothes and I feel my jeans much tighter than they were last week. Or is it all in my head... I'll never know.
I am so tired of pushing the hands of the person I love when he's putting his hands on my stomach, scared that he might see what I so badly want hidden and see what I find so disgusting.
I am so tired of wanting to sit up straight so my back fat wont show. I want to be free in the body that I own!
I am so tired of staying awake at night wishing I had a flatter stomach.
I am so tired of crying and hoping that it all goes away, hoping that every tear that drops is one pound that I've shed.
I am so tired. I am so tired.
So tired of the same problem over and over again. I am so tired of feeling disgusting in my own skin.