Thursday, August 20, 2015

Struggles and Acceptance

Hello everyone. Today I wanted to write something very very different from what I usually do. I wanted to do this because everyone today seems to be struggling. And I'm not talking about money and all that stuff (though that's a lot of people's problem, even me!) It's more on struggles in accepting yourself, trusting yourself, and being yourself. I am surrounded by people who look down on themselves so much, and I'm very sad to say that I am also one of those people.

Most of the people who are struggling with these kind of things are teenagers, yes their are adults too but most of them are teens. These insecurities start off young, growing up with people putting you down by calling you ugly, fat, dumb, and so on. It's cliche to say but words do hurt and they stick to you! Being picked on when you were younger because you look different or is interested in other things was horrible, it made you think that something was wrong with you. When you grow up with those kind of words being thrown at you, you'll grow up to have a low self esteem. I am surrounded by beautiful, smart, and kind people who think very low of themselves! Why? Because at one point of their lives they were thrown words of hatred! I do not have the right to tell these peoples's stories but I do have the right to tell my own. 
Growing up I was a skinny girl and my mom did everything for me to gain weight because I looked very unhealthy. So then at age 7, I started to gain weight and everything was fine. But when puberty hit and everyone was waiting for my "baby fats" to go away, they couldn't help but tell me to go on a diet and lose weight, mind you I was 12! I always got told, "You're so pretty, but lose weight and you'll be even prettier!" that's when they made me think that being "fat" was disgusting and it should be looked down on. It's sad to say that those words were said by family members, it bothered me so much that I began to hate going to family gatherings. I hated it because I knew that they'd compare me to my skinny cousins. High School started and that didn't help my already bruised self esteem. Everyone seemed to be so pretty and everyone seemed to be liked by all the boys and I couldn't even get one! Then in the middle of my Sophomore year I had finally gotten enough and decided to lose weight! I worked out everyday after school and ate very healthy. Summer came and it got even better, my clothes were now a Large or Medium instead of XXL! But somehow people around me still did not see it, they still called me fat and told me that I need to lose weight. I didn't understand why because I was losing weight. That's when everything went down hill. My self esteem went falling down, i felt so horrible and disgusting. All that hard work for nothing, I was still fat. I became so obsessed with losing weight that I worked out everyday and when I missed a day I would be so angry with myself. With that, I also decreased my calorie intake, I would only eat 1 meal a day and the rest was just a half of an apple. It came to a point when I hated taking a shower because that meant I would have to see myself naked, and I didn't like what I would see. 
I ended up losing so much weight that people asked me what I did to do this, and I would brag and say, "Working out and eating healthy" but that was not the case. In people's eyes, I was this energetic and happy kid but when I was alone I hated myself. I was always looking for something new to pick about myself, I was still not happy with my weight. Then one day I had a breaking point, I was home all alone and I felt so sad and just depressed, and I cried. I cried it out and I did that for a good 30 minutes. I then decided to text my friends and tell them all about my problems, and it was the best thing I did. They made me realize just how beautiful, smart, and kind I am, and how it would be a waste to see all that go. I stopped working out and I didn't start again till I knew I was truly okay. And I ate! I ate what I wanted without feeling disgusting after. I realized that you miss out on so much things when you live your life trying to make people like you. Today I am living a healthy life, I eat what I want but in good portions and I exercise 2-3 times a week. 

People are born different and it's time that we accept that! Nobody is perfect but somehow these imperfections are what makes us beautiful! 
But also, the most important acceptance and respect one could get is from yourself! You have to accept yourself! Don't let other people's words dictate how you should treat yourself and how you should live your life!

I understand that people deal with with different kind of insecurities and struggles and my experience does not speak for everyone, but it just goes to show that people are fighting their own battles.
Insecurities and struggles are not all about looks, sometimes it can be about career path, education, sexuality, and soooo much more.
Some are insecure about their choice of career and whether it will please people and if they're parents will be happy. Some are struggling with accepting their sexuality. And there's many more out there! But here's what I have to say to all of you out there!

-Mitzee xxxx

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