Losing a friend

to you,

A lot of people say that friends are the family you choose... It's very true, friends become this group of people that you tell your deepest secrets to *they might even be better than diaries*. The crazy thing is, you get so close to them that you even choose them to be the maid of honor/best man at your wedding instead of your sister/brother OR you choose them to be the godparents of your child rather than your siblings or cousins... But the only sad part is unlike a family, sometimes friends drift away and things are never the same. *cries silently in the corner*

What are you suppose to do when you realize that a friendship that you've worked sooo hard on keeping suddenly falls apart? It's like watching the Jenga blocks fall right in front of you but no matter how hard you try to catch the pieces, it's still going to break. BUT the difference between the two is when you build the Jenga blocks, you know it'll collapse in  the end because you're taking important pieces out... But with friendship, sometimes its sudden.

There's many reasons why friends drift away, could be because one of you moved far, one became very busy, orrrr one just suddenly blocks you so "they can grow" *rolls eyes* 

But I've realized that the saddest thing about losing a friend is seeing them again for the first time after months of not talking and realizing that EVERYTHING CHANGED. You would hope that after not seeing each other for months, you'd jump at each other and laugh about the dumb shit that happened in the 3 months that none of y'all didn't talk. Sadly, no words were exchanged- not even a glance or a faint smile. It was like all the silly inside jokes you had before were non existent.

You say that you don't care but somehow that person always manages to come up in every conversation you have with the rest of your friends. Perhaps its the unspoken way of saying, "man I do miss her..."

-your friend

:)

5 Summer Essentials

It's officially summer *not a fan of Summer though* yikes. Growing up I was never fond of the heat, I don't like the hot sun hitting my back when I'm just merely walking down the drive way to get the mail OR getting in  my car and being burnt by the piece of metal on the seat belt, the leather steering wheel, and being consumed by the trapped heat inside the car *sorry my Summer lovers*.  Anyways I don't hate Summer that much that I don't have anything I enjoy about it, there are some perks of Summer. Like, sleeping in, no school, being with friends & family, and making many memories. With that said I want to share with you the 5 things that I think one should have during the summer. 

1. Sunscreen

I think know that this is the most important essential for the Summer time. The sun is burning and quite frankly that's the only thing you want burning, I'm all for being tanned for the Summer but baby you don't want to get Skin Cancer. I didn't really start using Sunscreen on a daily basis until I started driving because of the direct sunlight on my arms and legs when I drive, it literally felt like my skin was burning, I don't know if this is just part of my imagination but it made my left arm seem dryer compared to my right arm and because of that I started to use sunscreen.

I use 3 different kinds of sunscreen as shown up above, for my face I use Neutrogena *SPF 30* Clear Face. I find that this is the sunscreen that works perfectly for my face because it doesn't make me breakout. For my body I use Hawaiian Tropic *SPF 30* Sheer Touch. This is great because sunscreens usually have that certain smell that isn't very good but this one smells amazing, and it kinda has little sparkles when the sun hits the area where it was applied. The last sunscreen I have is my Neutrogena *SPF 45* Ultra Sheer Dry  Touch, I usually only use this when I know I will be spending a lot of time in the sun and will need more protection since it has a much higher SPF.

2. Body Mist

I love my perfumes but during the Summer time I ditch them and go for the body mists (except for special occasions i.e. date night and family parties). Body mists are just so much better for the Summer time, they don't leave you feeling sticky after sweating and it isn't too strong.

I have 2 favorite body mists but right now I only know where one of them is, which is the Sweet Peony Dream from Bath and Body works. It smells like flowers and it just makes me feel really fresh. The other mist I like is called Beautiful Day by Bath and Body works *its not photographed* it was my scent for Summer 2015, I literally lived in that smell. Everytime I used it I get so many compliments and also when I start to get hot and or sweat, the smell of the mist comes out more which is a good thing.

3. Deodorant 

Some people think that perfume and body mists are enough to conceal body odor.... NO!!!! It is not! Please, purchase a beautiful and great smelling friend Deo! Please. 

You know with all the heat and sweating the pits will be crying and you'll need to help them out so they don't cry and scream all over the place. 

I use the Secret Deodorant Clear Gel in Ooh-la-la Lavender, I use the gel version of their deodorant because it doesn't leave those white marks. I felt really uncomfortable lifting my arms when I wasn't using the gel deodorant so I started using this instead and I've been using it for 4 years now, and it's 24 hours protection so that's nice.

4. Shoes

Everyone needs the perfect footwear that will be a staple for their Summer outfits. The perfect shoes is important because it has to get you through the day without breaking and also keeps your feet comfortable throughout the day of exploring. I love dressing up and the statement "shoes can make or break your outfit" totally speaks to me, so I choose the shoes that I know will look good for majority of my Summer outfits. 

My Summer shoes is definitely my Espadrilles from Soludos, they are so comfortable and very very cute. I got the off white color cause' I knew that they'd match everything I pair with them.

5. Shorts

I love showing legs *that should be the quote to explain me hahaha.* I like letting my legs breath when the Summer time comes and just let them play. Not everyone is a fan of skirts or dresses and that's totally okay! Just go buy yourself a nice pair of shorts that you'd feel the most comfortable in and will make you feel good.

My favorite shorts are these shorts from Forever 21, they're honestly my favorite shorts that I own. This shorts is the one I always look for when I go out, I just feel really cute and made up when I wear them. I think it's the distressed look it has that makes it seem like you really thought of your outfit. 

So that's my 5 Summer Essential and I hope you guys liked it.

:) xx

Surprise Picnic

Every girl out there will say that their boyfriend is the best, well.... I'm gonna be one of those girls! My boyfriend and I planned a very chill day where we'd just walk along the lake and go to the movies after, but when we met up he hit me with the, "lets have a picnic!" 

I've always wanted to have a picnic date, BUT I didn't want to be the one to plan it hahaha. I never imposed the duty to my boyfriend by saying "hey you! You better plan a picnic for me and make me feel loved!!" Instead it was just a conversation we had a looooong time ago and somehow he remembered me saying it *he actually listens to me* :)

The day was beautiful, the sky was blue with a little bit of clouds and no one was around (maybe 2-3 people walking by the lake) and the weather was amazing! After months of having rain it finally became sunny outside. 

We ate our food while music played, talked about the future, and my favorite... looked at the clouds and try to see who had the best imagination by seeing what animal the clouds formed.

 $200 date is nothing compared to this simple but meaningful date of ours. 

Thanks for an awesome day babe! :)

i love you

Romance Novels To Read

Reading is one of the things I love doing, to live in someone else's life for awhile is such a great escape in reality. There's also a certain feeling when you fall in love with a fictional character, like nothing they do is wrong. lol. 

So anyways, here are some of the books that I have enjoyed reading... EVER!

*They're not ranked at all*

 This is the novel that really got me to love reading, I read this book when I was in 7th grade and I cried sooo much reading this book. Okay, so this book is about Melinda and Jesse. Melinda is an aspiring ballerina who gets diagnosed with Leukemia, and Jesse is her best friend who lives miles away and their communication is through emails, letters, and etc. Melinda hopes for their friendship to blossom into something more and Jesse just wants Melinda to get better.

This book was written in the 60's and made into a movie in the 70's. So the story is a typical boy meets girl but it is just sooo cute! Oliver is a student in Harvard who comes from a very privileged family and Jennifer is a student in Radcliffe who comes from a middle class family. The two falls in love, BAM! This book is very fast, you might read this and say "whoa, already?" but if you get to the end, it all makes sense. While reading the book, I can't help but feel like an elder man was telling me a story of how him and his wife fell in love. 

Who doesn't know Hazel and Gus' story!? lol, I think it's pointless for me to put this but whatever.

So the story is about two teens battling cancer, Hazel Grace and Augustus. They meet each other and with each other they find someone they can depend on and connect with.

This book is basically a roller coaster of emotions and dfhasjfdhaf. This book made me cry soo much, the movie did not do the same tho sadly. The movie didn't live up to the book. Okay? Okay.... *see what I did there?*

This book sent me back to high school and how everything "mattered". I love how this book was really light and didn't make me cry, lol. Instead it made me smile and have butterflies in my tummy. Okay, so this story is about a girl name Lara Jean who writes letters to the all the boys she's ever loved, she basically writes them when she decides that she doesn't want to love them anymore. Well, one day all her letters are mailed to all the boys she ever loved and it gets really really good. hahahah. I could not put this book down, I literally read this book in under 24 hours. lol. And when I found out that there was a book 2, I got soooo excited and my boyfriend was sweet enough to surprise me with it and now I'm currently reading it :)

*By the way the 2nd book is called, "Ps. I still love you"

A very cute book! One of those books that is just a feel good book. The story is about a girl name Stargirl *for now* she's new in town and she captures the attention of ALL the students but she catches one person's attention in a different way, Leo. Stargirl is not your typical girl, she does whatever she wants, wears whatever she wants, and calls herself whatever she wants. I really like this book cause of the story it sends to people especially teens, "stop caring about what other people say, do what you want and be friends with who you want" One word for this book, SWEET.

My favorite movie.... But right now we're talking about the book, this is one of those books that was turned into a movie that changed many things, but somehow still was loved and liked. So the book is about a good girl named Jamie Sullivan and a bad boy named Landon Carter, *cliche* IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! Landon needs a date for the School dance and everyone seems to already have a date, except one person, Jamie... He asks her and being the sweetheart she is, she says yes. Due to the circumstances, Landon and Jamie becomes close and learns things about each other that they didn't even know about themselves. This book made me smile and cry, very bittersweet!

Hope you guys liked this post :)  

Too Comfortable

I have a question for you, do you ever feel like you've become too comfortable with how things are going in your life? Don't get me wrong, being comfortable is good. . . just not when you know you can accomplish something more. This is how I feel right now, I'm scared to quit my job because I have become too comfortable. Even though it's time to move up and look for something better and get a great experience that will benefit my future career, I choose to stay. Why? well I ask myself that same question, everyday I look up other jobs to apply for and yet I never actually hit the "APPLY" button.

I think when a person gets too comfortable in their situation, it's never a good thing whether its in their career, relationships, and life. All those aspects die down after awhile when you get too comfortable with whats happening, you have to move from your bubble and challenge yourself. 

Career

If you're not happy with your job, QUIT! Look for something better and that you'll truly love. Or if you're in a job that you love but somehow things get predictable, apply for a higher position. Don't just settle for what you already know, go for what will make you better and improve in that.

Relationship

It's easy to get comfortable in a relationship especially if you've been together for awhile. To be comfortable in a relationship can be both a good thing and a bad thing. However when the two of you gets comfortable in a sense where you don't even excite each other, is bad. Both of you have to think outside the box; look for a different restaurant to eat in, go on a road trip, or maybe even have a spontaneous date and just think of something to do in that moment. Don't let your relationship die down.

Life

Oh life, sometimes life gets boring and everything becomes predictable. Well, do something you don't normally do. It can be the simplest thing to the most outrageous, like for example; if you've never watched a movie by yourself, go watch one by yourself!! Or if you've never been out to dinner buy yourself, go to a fancy restaurant and treat yourself!!! Or you can be super adventurous and go on a trip out of the country/state by yourself and while you're at it go sky diving, skinny dipping, hitch hike! I Don't Know!!!! 

Those were all my thoughts this morning, may all of this help someone!

:) 

-Mitzee

Good Company

I can honestly say that I can count the the people I consider my true friends by hand. And one of them is this girl right here, Chidima. There is never a dull moment with her, she just brightens my day with her laugh and little side comments. I honestly would not know what life would be like without her. She's not a very affectionate person AND I AM, that's the only problem in our friendship, I always want to cuddle up and hug but she does not. But with that aside, she shows her affection by saying "shut up" and then laughing a second after. That's my Chidima. Here's one thing about being her friend... If you are her friend, consider yourself lucky because she doesn't like people. hahahaha.

Knowing Chidima, if she sees this she might not even say "aaawww" hahaa. She'd laugh and say, "you're such a headass!!!!" and that means "Thank you" in Chidima language. 

How to relax

The end of the semester is coming up in just a few weeks and  I know that it's very stressful. It's the week of cramming, studying, and pulling all nighters (if you're into that). As a college student I know exactly how that feels and I'm here to give you guys *unwanted* advice on what to do to distress.

Even though so many things is due, it's still good to take sometime away from the school work and just relax, even just for an hour.

1. Drink tea and read a book.

It doesn't necessarily have to be tea, it can be any type of drink that you love and enjoy. Reading a book while drinking tea is sooo relaxing, sitting in my room with the blinds closed and just sitting in the quiet is always sooo nice and relaxing.

2. Play soothing music.

I do this aaaallll the time when I'm stressed or when have a lot on my mind, I go to Pandora and play my Yiruma station, Yiruma is pianist and that station plays all instrumental songs that is very soothing to the ear.  I also play this music when I'm writing my papers, its like hitting 2 birds with one stone, you get to finish your paper while letting your mind relax.

3. Write

I know this sounds very contradicting with this list, probably wondering why writing is relaxing when you're trying to relax and take a break from essays...... Well by writing I mean writing something you love, I personally love writing stories and writing always makes me escape all my thoughts and it really helps. Blogging also helps a lot.

4. Take a nap.

This one is the one thing that I think everyone does, literally give your brain a break by sleeping. But before sleeping I like being really cozy so I fluff my pillows, double on the blankets, and wear my fuzzy robe,

5. Light a candle and just lay down.

I find being alone in my room and having the lights off with only the the candle as the source of light so good, especially if its a bit chilly and the candle smells lovely.\

I really hope this helped some of you guys. :) xxxxx

Sunday Currently | 04

Hello everyone!!! I started off my Sunday right by eating chocolates for breakfast and drinking my tea. Soooo good. hahaha. This semester is almost over and a lot of work is needed to pass the semester and yet I'm putting it all in the back burner. lol. *I shouldn't be laughing*

CURRENTLY

Reading

Still not reading anything. sad.

Writing

My final papers.

Listening

To "Undateable" playing in the background, I need to catch up on this season. It's going great so far!

Thinking

Too many things to even type down.

Smelling

My minty fingers, just finished eating Junior Mints. LOOOVE ME SOME MINTS!

Wishing

For University of Maryland to email me back. 

Hoping

For a fun and safe week ahead. 

Wearing

My old middle school shirt, old high school gym shorts, and my purple warm fuzzy robe! Ahhh so comfy!

Loving

The fact that its almost Thanksgiving break and I get to just chill. AND! Someone's here for their break. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!

Wanting

For Tuesday to get here!

Needing

To get ready for my day.

Feeling

I'm okay, I have a lot on my mind so I'm feeling lots of different things but the happy stuff out weighs the worrying, so that's good.

Hope you guys enjoy your Sunday :) xx

Letters

I'm a very sentimental person, everything I give to someone means something, there might be a story behind it or something that they deserved. Being given a gift that they made themselves or they really thought of means soooo much to me, yes, the saying "its the thought that counts" does very much apply to me! For example, my sister gave me a journal for Christmas one time and to this day, its my favorite Christmas present. I love writing and the fact that she gave me a journal means soo much.

Because I'm very sentimental, I have always loved the idea of being given a hand written letter, actually the cards given to me by my friends and family are still kept away in my memory box. I think its the hopeless romantic in me that loves this sappy stuff or maybe I'm just old fashioned. hahaha. I remember watching romance movies like The Notebook, Letters to Juliet, and many more- and thinking, "Do guys still write to their girlfriends?" and I never knew anyone who did, so I thought no one did.

When I got my first letter from my boyfriend, I felt like I was back in the 40s and 50s, there was something about seeing the word "I miss you" and "I love you" and knowing that he took his time to write it.
There's just something about seeing the word, "I love you" written down on a paper with their hand writing.
So for all you people out there, maybe ditch the cellphone, grab a pen and paper and tell the person you love everything you love about them :)


-Mitzee

Take me back

..... Summer Nights

This summer that passed was my most memorable summer so far. It was the summer that I got to live my teenage years, actually the whole 2015 was the year I got to live my teenage year- but for now we'll be talking about the summer. 

I'm not really the type to go out and party, I'm more of the stay at home and watch Netflix kind of person and add in the fact that my mom is very strict! But this summer it felt different, it dawned on me that this is my last teenage year (I was 19 and I'm 20 now) and I don't even have any memories to look back on when I'm 40! So I decided to step out of my comfort zone and it was the best decision I ever made! Not only did I have a lot of fun but it surely gave me lots of memories that I will treasure. Summer of 15!

My friends and I just always wanted to hang out whether it be in the middle of the week (Tuesday or Wednesday) or the weekend! Late night moves was always the move for us, especially after work and we're all tired and hungry.lolol. But aside from IHOP, we spent most of the summer in my friend Mary's house, or should I say basement. 

Mary's house was the spot, we did everything there! Bonfire, turning up, Cooking night or "Cooking at the Westers" as my friends and I call it, or simply just to hangout.

You guys might be asking sooo was there liquor... I mean, we are teens and we're in college soooo. Yes. 

This night was too good but tooo short, well for me at least because I have a curfew and I had to get back home before my mom goes on a rampage.

The night might have ended short for me but it was still a great and fun night!

This is one of my favorite nights! We cooked dinner together and later on that night we, well, had some things to drink

Sorry the pictures are limited, I can only post pictures that are PG!

Lets just say it got tooo turnt! 

Hope you guys liked this post :) xxxx

My top Filipino Actors

Hello everyone! Some of you may be very confused and wonder who in the world these men are. Well like it says in the title up above, these sexy men are Filipino Actors. Why am I posting them you may ask? Well these men listed below are my all time favorite actors and I never really ranked them before, so I thought why the hell not do it on here. 

 Lets start! 

6. Albert Martinez

This man never seems to age, he's 54 years old and he can still pass as a 35 year old! 

His versatility as an actor is what made me love him. He's one of those actors that take on roles that really challenges him; comedy, drama, and action. My most favorite movie he ever did was "Pusong  Mamon" where he played a gay man, not everyone in the Philippines would take on a role of a gay man because of the criticism they would get. But because he is so professional, he took on the role. Reason why I love him.

5. Coco Martin

This man has such an angelic face, it's crazy! His story is one of those rags to riches kind of thing. He was a janitor before he became an award winning actor. When Coco cries, you can't help but shed a tear and feel bad for him. His usual genre for his movie/Tv Series are almost always Action-Drama movies, but in real life he's a softy, he does everything for his Grandma and siblings! (He built a 2,000 sq.m. home for his whole family to live in.) He's the kind of guy who doesn't like to get interviewed, not because he's rude or boastful, but because he's a shy guy. Which makes girls (even me) love him even more. Lets just say that he's the kind of guy you bring home to your parents.

4. Ian Veneracion 

This man is another man who does not age, he's 40 years old and still looks dashing! His very cute boy next door look still makes my older (30-35) sisters go crazy. The fact that he slurs his R's is so cute. He was a matinee idol during his time (if it isn't obvious enough) and he still kinda is till this day, he is still given roles that have girls fighting for him. I mean can you blame them?

3. Piolo Pascual

I love you Piolo!!!! If you ask any woman in the Philippines who their showbiz crush is, they'd say, "Papa P!" if not, he'll totally be #3 on their list. (hhaha see what I did there?)

He is the ultimate heartthrob (Brad Pitt of the Philippines). In Philippine showbizness he is known for his eyes and his intense stare, its like he's looking into your soul. I wouldn't know what I'd do if I was given the chance to play the staring game with him, I'd probably die. He's one of those actors that can take a break from showbiz for 5 years and still be the talk of the town. 

 2. Alden Richards

The most in demand star in the Philippines at the moment. Everything he touches turns to gold... Or should I say sells. He is the 1/2 of the Phenomenal loveteam in the Philippines, AlDub. His sweet, loving, understanding, respectful, and of course hot character in Kalyeserye got the girls melting. The fact that he'd do anything for Yaya Dub (Maine Mendoza) made the ladies today realize just how much the world needs a gentlemen, he made the ladies realize just how much they're worth.

Oh and the fact that his character is not far from his real life self! A total plus!

1. Atom Araullo 

My number 1. My Atom! Out of everyone in this list, he is the only one who is not an actor. Atom is a news castor, he won the hearts of many Filipinas during his live forecast of the Typhoon Yolanda- or Haiyan here in the US. His bravery and kind heart was shown when he risked his life to help the people in need, which led to his popularity.

But I loved this guy even before the Yolanda/Hayain incident. His wit and intelligence made me swoon. If I was a famous actress in the Philippines and I was asked who my ideal man is, it would be Atom. I can just imagine our wedding day and how his vows will make me sob like a baby because I know he'll use moving words to describe his love for me. hahaha.

Sunday Currently | 03

Hello everyone! Can you believe it, I already broke my promise to do a Sunday Currently post every Sunday. hahaha. But anyways, it's really crazy that it's already November!!!! 2015 is almost over, holy cheese balls! I've also started to write again, not just on my blog but the series that I write during my free time. I started writing it when I was a Senior in high school and I absolutely love the story, but since I started college it just got hard to make time for it. *tearss* But I'm super happy that I got to update it.

CURRENTLY

Reading

I haven't read a proper book in a really loooong time! I really want to read, "The five people you meet in heaven" the story really intrigues me. Whoever gives me that book as a present will definitely earn a penny from me! *I'm a poor college student*

Writing

This Sunday Currently post.

Listening

To the video that my sister is watching. 

Thinking

This is sad, but it's still the same as what I said in my previous Sunday Currently. Still thinking about the way my life is going and what I can do to achieve my dream.

Smelling

My smelly room. It's so messy and gross. *clothes everywhere* It's so messy  that I think a rat must have died in here. *JOKESSSS*  

Wishing

To pass all my class this semester and to get a good grade on my test this coming Thursday *I failed  the last one*

Hoping

For a fun and safe week ahead :)

Wearing

My Captain America T-shirt and my black running shorts.

Loving

The fact that I'm learning to cook and my family has been loving it so far.

Wanting

A really good body massage!

Needing

To take a shower, I feel dirty. I went to work this morning and I was too lazy to shower when I got home so all the gunk and sweat is still in my body. lol gross.

Feeling

Content. I can't really complain about how my life is going right now because I'm healthy, my family is healthy, and I am blessed with a very understanding boyfriend. But not gonna lie, my career life needs a little help. 

I hope you guys liked this and enjoy the rest of your Sunday! 

:) xxxx

Autumn

This time of the year is definitely my favorite. The surrounding is just beautiful, the beautiful colors, the subtle wind, and falling leaves. 

I am not a fan of gloomy days, it makes me feel so sad and me being me; i do not like being sad. But something about fall makes me love gloomy days, I think it's the fact that even though the sky looks sad, the leaves becomes the source of color. "How can you find this season so beautiful when everything around you is dying?" That was a quote I encountered before, hmmm why is that? I don't really see it as dying, I see it as changing, people change and I guess so does nature. 

Just a little thought tonight.

Have a great night :) xx

Body Image

This issue is something that will always be apart of me. As much as I want it to just stay away and let me move on, it never will. 

I did a blog post on a very similar topic where I talked about loving yourself, and at that time I was at a place where I was very happy with my weight and how I looked. But as time went on, my mind started to drift again. I became obsessed with looking in the mirror every time I pass by it, not just to check on my hair or my face... But to lift my shirt and look at my stomach, it's still not flat. 

Its so hard to be so positive about my weight and body when everyone around me is a size 2, has beautiful curves, and a great ass! Something that I do not have.

I want so badly to love myself and be 100% honest when saying, I love myself

How I wish it was that easy, to one day just wake up and not have self hate. But no, that's when it starts, early in the morning when I take off my clothes and I feel my jeans much tighter than they were last week. Or is it all in my head... I'll never know. 

I am so tired of pushing the hands of the person I love when he's putting his hands on my stomach, scared that he might see what I so badly want hidden and see what I find so disgusting.

I am so tired of wanting to sit up straight so my back fat wont show. I want to be free in the body that I own!

I am so tired of staying awake at night wishing I had a flatter stomach.

I am so tired of crying and hoping that it all goes away, hoping that every tear that drops is one pound that I've shed.

I am so tired. I am so tired.

So tired of the same problem over and over again. I am so tired of feeling disgusting in my own skin.

-Mitzee

The Sunday Currently | 02

I am challenging myself to do "The Sunday Currently" posts EVERY Sunday! Hopefully I can live up to what I just announced ahahaha. Sunday is usually a busy week because of work and school work but lately it seems that Sunday is becoming more of my down days and so I decided to challenge myself in doing a blog post every Sunday.

CURRENTLY

Reading

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s letter from Birmingham jail, its for my English 102 class and I'm just skimming through it hoping to find more examples and evidence to use for my paper essay.

Writing

Aside from my essay, it would be this Sunday Currently!

Listening

Fall away by The Fray

Thinking

I've been thinking a lot about how my life is going at the moment. Lately I've been catching myself thinking about the future lately, too many times actually. I always wonder and question if I'm doing things right and if I'm going in the right direction. (Hopefully)

Smelling

Mom's cooking :)

Wishing

Wishing for the best in all aspect of my life: career, school, health, love life, family life, and faith.

Hoping

Hoping that all I've been working hard for pays off in the coming days, months, year...

Wearing

Over sized gray t shirt and my old high school gym shorts. hahaha. Still in my sleeping attire.

Loving

The fact I'm alive and healthy.

Wanting

For next Sunday to come quickly (the 18th) I get to see someone :)

Needing

Lunch! I am sooo hungry, but the food's not done yet. lol

Feeling

Hungry. hahaha

Thanks for reading! 

How do you know you love a person?

Ohhh that question. That question has been asked many times in many different occasion- movies, tv series, novels, and real life! Every time that question was asked I never had an answer or if I did it would be from what I heard in a movie- "You know you love someone when you can set them free." Never the same answer twice, it was always changing. 

But today was different. For the first time since I got in a serious relationship, my friend asked me the ultimate question- "How do you know you love a person, how do you know its love and you don't just like that person a lot?" Ummm how do I know? At first I didn't know if my love for my boyfriend was real, do I love him or am I just infatuated? And then one day I was reminiscing on the beginning of our relationship and how everything started. I saw his smile, I heard his laugh, I saw his eyes... That was my answer. I knew for sure that I love him because I would do anything to keep that smile on his face, to hear his laugh over and over again, to see the twinkle in his eyes everyday. 

I looked at my friend and I said, "I knew I loved him when I realized that I'd rather get hurt instead of him. I'd take all his pain so he doesn't have to feel it" It may sound cliche and or you may not agree with me, but for me being in love means being selfless. Everyone has their own definition of love and how to really know when you truly love a person, not everyone's answer will be the same because every relationship is different.

Love doesn't have a time frame to tell you when you have to tell someone you love them or when you should feel it. Sometimes it takes people 5 months to feel that they love the person... sometimes 2 weeks is just enough time. All that matters is that the love you feel for them is genuine and real. And if you feel it, if you know in the bottom of your heart that you're in love, say it. Say it with no hesitation because everyone deserves to hear I love you, especially when it comes from someone special.

Birthday blues

Lets get one thing straight. It's not my birthday... Yet. But it will be on October 5th and I'm turning 20! Holy cheese balls, 20! I'm no longer a teen- an adult is what I will be called I suppose. It's just hitting me so fast that I'm becoming an adult. It's still quite far but I can still feel it coming. Since I'm turning 20 my mom is giving me more responsibilities, like buying my own car and paying for it! 

Aside from all the responsibilities that I am gradually being given... I'm still living with my mom and I still have a curfew (cry with me) I think that's one thing that will never change. My mom is an old fashioned person- as long as you're living under her roof, you stay on her rules. 

I don't have complete freedom with my life because my mom is very strict. So in that way I still don't feel like an adult.

So in the end, I have the best of both world. I have those minor responsibilities to keep me feeling like an adult but I have my mom to keep me feeling like a baby.
There's a certain part of me who wants to look for a better job and just leave home- then I remember, "who will pay for my house rent? me? nooo." I'm sure every person has gone through the same stage, whether to move out or not. I guess it's just different in our culture. We stay home till we know we're ready to leave the nest, our parents would love for us to stay home.
I know it can't always be like this- one day I'll have to leave home and my mom has to accept that... Even me.

When I was younger I always thought that by the time I'm 20 I'd be living in New York. Not the case at all. When you're young you think everything is so simple, getting a job was the answer. I thought that by having a job it will pay for the rent. And I guess that's where the difference between an adult and a kid lies. To a kid, everything is simple and to an adult... Everything is complicated.

With every year, you celebrate your birthday and you get older. The older you get the more responsibilities you have to face. It's true what they say, "Don't ever grow up... It's a trap."
Right now I'm scared shitless. Scared of what the future has to offer beacuse sooner or later I have to grow up and be independent.

When will it be my time?

Lately I've been feeling very doubtful about my career choice. 

I've been asking myself if I made the right choice to go against my mom's will for me to be in the medical field. In the Asian community it is very common for someone to be in the medical field, law, engineering, and or the last resort... Teaching.

In my mom's eyes going to school to be in the entertainment business is not a great career path. It doesn't guarantee me a spot in that career, unlike in the careers listed up above ^ they guarantee me a job when I get my degree. 

Wait, I haven't even told you guys what my major is, well its Communication in Radio Broadcasting. Yes, your girl wants to be the next Ryan Seacrest! I've always been in love with entertainment, I want to one day be involved in some kind of entertainment program- whether it be in radio, TV, movie, behind the scenes, etc. 

With lots of opinions coming from family members about the major I chose, none of their words really phased me. Instead it made me want to do better and weirdly it made me love my career choice even more. Their words and criticism sparked something in me, it made me want to prove them wrong. I'll show them that I don't have to be a Doctor, Engineer, or Lawyer with mansions and 5 different types of cars to be considered "successful" I can be successful by being happy and having a roof over my head.  As long as I'm doing something I love.

But now that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I had a plan, before I graduated high school I made a plan on what I'll do to get where I need to be. Bu being in college just makes me feel like I have failed to accomplish those plans. I have applied for internships but nothing ever comes out of it. I see my former high school batch mate's posts on Instagram or Facebook about their internships and job training, and I can't help but feel like I have failed. I know it's not healthy to compare myself to someone else achievements but that's just how I feel. 

They're working in the field that has something to do in what they want to be in one day. One of them is interning at a VERY well known TV station and I'm just amazed and so proud of him. 

That's the down side in the career path I chose, it's very competitive. I have to work hard for what I want (not saying that doctors and all those other job doesn't need hard work) and just keep trying, then hope that it's finally my time.

Future

Who here has ever had those days where you just lay in bed and think of what life would be like in the next 5-10 years? Is it just me? I don't think so, thinking about life is not an abnormal thing- in fact it is something that everyone seems to ponder about in their everyday life.

Thinking about the future is my favorite past time, sometimes I think that it might be unhealthy. I create this picture in my head of how I want my life to be in the future, my wedding, my job, how many kids I want, where I want to live, and will it be a picture perfect life?

The future is the one thing I am absolutely excited about, but if I was asked to go for a free ride to the future, I would kindly decline. It would devastate the whole purpose of the future. To me the FUTURE is the place I have yet to discover and one day I will get there. I love to ponder about how the future will be but I do not want to see what will happen to me while I make my journey there.

The journey to the future is the best part in this life. If we were all free to look into the future, it would totally save us the heartache and disappointment of the people and situations we would encounter. That would be easier wouldn't it? Yes, but we also won't be able to learn our lessons. We meet and encounter different people and situations because they are meant to give us a lesson.

But the future is also about learning to appreciate the present. Appreciate what's happening in your life now, laugh with the people you love, cry at the mournful things that is happening around you, smell the coffee brewing, and look at the beauty that is around you- because in the end all those things will be apart of your very bright future.

Have a safe and happy day!
:) xx

Struggles and Acceptance

Hello everyone. Today I wanted to write something very very different from what I usually do. I wanted to do this because everyone today seems to be struggling. And I'm not talking about money and all that stuff (though that's a lot of people's problem, even me!) It's more on struggles in accepting yourself, trusting yourself, and being yourself. I am surrounded by people who look down on themselves so much, and I'm very sad to say that I am also one of those people.

Most of the people who are struggling with these kind of things are teenagers, yes their are adults too but most of them are teens. These insecurities start off young, growing up with people putting you down by calling you ugly, fat, dumb, and so on. It's cliche to say but words do hurt and they stick to you! Being picked on when you were younger because you look different or is interested in other things was horrible, it made you think that something was wrong with you. When you grow up with those kind of words being thrown at you, you'll grow up to have a low self esteem. I am surrounded by beautiful, smart, and kind people who think very low of themselves! Why? Because at one point of their lives they were thrown words of hatred! I do not have the right to tell these peoples's stories but I do have the right to tell my own. 

Growing up I was a skinny girl and my mom did everything for me to gain weight because I looked very unhealthy. So then at age 7, I started to gain weight and everything was fine. But when puberty hit and everyone was waiting for my "baby fats" to go away, they couldn't help but tell me to go on a diet and lose weight, mind you I was 12! I always got told, "You're so pretty, but lose weight and you'll be even prettier!" that's when they made me think that being "fat" was disgusting and it should be looked down on. It's sad to say that those words were said by family members, it bothered me so much that I began to hate going to family gatherings. I hated it because I knew that they'd compare me to my skinny cousins. High School started and that didn't help my already bruised self esteem. Everyone seemed to be so pretty and everyone seemed to be liked by all the boys and I couldn't even get one! Then in the middle of my Sophomore year I had finally gotten enough and decided to lose weight! I worked out everyday after school and ate very healthy. Summer came and it got even better, my clothes were now a Large or Medium instead of XXL! But somehow people around me still did not see it, they still called me fat and told me that I need to lose weight. I didn't understand why because I was losing weight. That's when everything went down hill. My self esteem went falling down, i felt so horrible and disgusting. All that hard work for nothing, I was still fat. I became so obsessed with losing weight that I worked out everyday and when I missed a day I would be so angry with myself. With that, I also decreased my calorie intake, I would only eat 1 meal a day and the rest was just a half of an apple. It came to a point when I hated taking a shower because that meant I would have to see myself naked, and I didn't like what I would see. 

I ended up losing so much weight that people asked me what I did to do this, and I would brag and say, "Working out and eating healthy" but that was not the case. In people's eyes, I was this energetic and happy kid but when I was alone I hated myself. I was always looking for something new to pick about myself, I was still not happy with my weight. Then one day I had a breaking point, I was home all alone and I felt so sad and just depressed, and I cried. I cried it out and I did that for a good 30 minutes. I then decided to text my friends and tell them all about my problems, and it was the best thing I did. They made me realize just how beautiful, smart, and kind I am, and how it would be a waste to see all that go. I stopped working out and I didn't start again till I knew I was truly okay. And I ate! I ate what I wanted without feeling disgusting after. I realized that you miss out on so much things when you live your life trying to make people like you. Today I am living a healthy life, I eat what I want but in good portions and I exercise 2-3 times a week. 

People are born different and it's time that we accept that! Nobody is perfect but somehow these imperfections are what makes us beautiful! 

But also, the most important acceptance and respect one could get is from yourself! You have to accept yourself! Don't let other people's words dictate how you should treat yourself and how you should live your life!

I understand that people deal with with different kind of insecurities and struggles and my experience does not speak for everyone, but it just goes to show that people are fighting their own battles.
Insecurities and struggles are not all about looks, sometimes it can be about career path, education, sexuality, and soooo much more.
Some are insecure about their choice of career and whether it will please people and if they're parents will be happy. Some are struggling with accepting their sexuality. And there's many more out there! But here's what I have to say to all of you out there!

YOU DO YOU BABY!

-Mitzee xxxx