Someone Different... But Still The Same

The last time I made an entry in this blog was in January 2, 2017. 3 years ago. A lot has changed. I have become a completely different person in just a span of 3 years, nothing drastic! But I just did a little growing up.

1) Life... Death...
 I reconciled, rekindled, and lost a friend in that span of 3 years. You may have remembered a few entries ago in 2016 when I wrote a a goodbye letter to friend who started to drift away... It was heartbreaking, having a friendship slowly wither away... a friendship I held so dear. Then in 2017, life did what it does best, it brought us back together. We somehow found our way back into each others lives, we caught up on all the things that we had missed out on in the last year that we didn't speak. I missed her tremendously, every time we talked on the phone we made sure to say our "I love yous" before we hung up... Because we didn't want each other to forget. Then in 2018, again... Life did exactly what life does... Life... Or death more like, took her away from me. Permanently this time. She succumbed to her illness, sickle cell disease... For a long time I kept asking "why"... Why would life give her back to me, only to take her right back again. I kept crying because I was never going to see her again, I was never going to hear her infectious laugh, or see her beautiful bright smile... But most of all I wasn't going to see her slowly follow her dreams and achieve them one by one. I was so angry at myself for letting our pesky fight get in the way of our friendship, why couldn't I have just sucked it up and said I was sorry right then! If only I knew what I knew now, I would have made different choices. But, I didn't know... and I still don't know what the future holds. Instead, I look at it this way. Maybe life knew exactly what it was doing. Maybe, life meant for us to drift away the first time to teach me a lesson, that sometimes life want to be nice and give us a second chance. A do over... Life gave me a second chance to be with her again for 1 whole year... A lesson to cherish every moment that is given to you, even if it's 50 years, 10 years, 1 year, or just 1 month! A lesson to be thankful for the people you have in your life right now, because life is not guaranteed... Now, I am thankful. Thankful for life for giving me chance to show her how much I loved her.

2) Heartbreak.
I said goodbye to a 5 year relationship in that span of 3 years. A relationship I cherished with all my heart, a relationship I fought for with all my being, and a relationship I will forever think of with a happy heart. The relationship lasted 5 years, but it should have ended 2 years earlier. In the last 2 years of our relationship, we fought so hard for our relationship that we fought each other. We started to see each other as the enemy, "why isn't he fighting for this relationship like I am?" or "Why is she always critiquing everything I do?" The relationship stopped being fun, it became a task. It seemed like every time we would be together, the goal was to not fight. "No matter what you do, just smile and laugh." We were miserable! We didn't want to admit it at that time, we wanted to make each other happy because we thought staying together would be the best decision. We didn't want to give up on our relationship, especially since we'd been together for 5 years! WE'VE WORKED TOO DAMN HARD TO JUST STOP ALL OF THIS NOW!.... So I thought... Then I realized, "why would I stay in a relationship that was beginning to turn toxic?" Who am I staying for? Am I staying for myself or for other people? You might be asking, "well why would you stay for other people?" hahaha well that is because we have this thing about impressing other people, whether we like to admit it or not. We want to prove to people that we are that couple, we are one of the lucky ones who makes it out alive!!! But it should never be like that, when you're making a decision about your life, only think about how it will affect you, not other people. I had to take everyone out of the equation and looked at myself and him. Then I saw it, we both needed so much growing up to do. He was unhappy with how his life was going and so was I. We were both so unhappy with the way our individual life was going, that we started to bring it into our relationship. So, I had to be the brave one - I pulled the plug. It was the hardest thing I had to do, to let go of this person who had become a huge part of my life for the last 5 years. All of a sudden, I had to plan a different life... A life that didn't include him, because right now, at this moment, he isn't part of my life anymore. It has been 1 year since we broke up and I still miss him. I still love him. Just in a different way, in a way that no one else will ever understand. He holds a special place in my heart, and that spot has his name on it, no one can erase it. It's there permanently. It's his.

3) Beginnings.
I said hello to many things in that span of 3 years. It seems like I have only experienced heartbreak and loss in the last 3 years, but trust me it gave me beautiful memories too. I may have lost a friend, but I gained a new one. A new friend but my goodness, it feels like I have known her forever. She knows who she is, I tell her how lucky I am to have her in my life almost everyday... Hi!... She has taught me so much in just 1 year of knowing each other, she has changed my outlook in life. To find beauty in midst of chaos. Saying goodbye to my 5 year relationship gave me the chance to say hello to a new relationship... The most important relationship in my life, a relationship with myself. In just  one year, I learned so much about myself, things I never knew I was capable of doing! And It felt amazing. I wouldn't change it for the world. I started to focus on the things that made me happy and made me feel like I had purpose.

I am so excited for what life has in store for me, I cannot wait to experience new things with the people I have in my life now and for all the people I have yet to meet.

Three Things I Realized in 2016

It's a new year and its a great time to look back on the things that happened in 2016 that made me realize some sh*t! 

I feel like every year there are situations or people that will make you understand and realize why things are the way they are.

1

Don't let yourself down too much...

This is a hard lesson that I never quite understood, people always say, "don't be too hard on yourself... It's not good" and I never really understood why they said that, I guess for me it's a way to not put my hopes up and just expect the worst. A great example of this is  when I decided to change colleges and transfer to a big university *my dream university actually* and for the 5 months that I waited for the letter to come to the mail, I always told people that I was sure I wouldn't get in because I don't have what it takes to get in. Little did I know that after 5 months of waiting, I would be opening an acceptance letter. That was when I realized that I could do it, I was able to get in to my dream school and I wasn't so much of a "loser" to not be able to get in. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, don't put yourself down just because you're unsure of what the outcome will be...

2

Sometimes people drift away...

This is quite sad, in 2016 one of my best friends drifted apart from me. It was truly hard breaking because she and I were super close, we literally made each other cry laughing by just looking at one another.  Sometimes you have no control on what people want and what they think will be best for them, and all you can do is hope that that they get to where they want to go.

3

It's good to try new things...

I was always the type of person to not want to try new things because I'm scared of what I would look or what it would do to me. I mean I still kind of am but there has been little things that I have absolutely tried in 2016. For example, I died my hair a dirty blonde!!! BLONDE!!! I've had black hair since I was born and I was always so afraid to try a different color because I was sooo scared that i'd look ugly, then I realized eehh so what I can always dye it back. I know that is like 0 in the adventurous scale  but for me its a 8.5!

What about you guys what have you guys realized in 2016?

Holiday

If you know me personally, you'd know that Christmas time is my favorite time of the year... Yes, Christmas has passed but it's still the holidays. Well, one of the things I love about Christmas is the fact that it brings family together. There's nothing I love more than spending time with my family, especially my cousins who I grew up with, we were practically like siblings growing up because we were all so close to age. Since we're all in our early 20s and mid 20s, we don't get to spend time with each other as often as before due to school, work, and or the fact that we live miles and miles apart now... 

Every time all of us are in the same city or state we make sure that we have our bonding time.

Of course it isn't always the best, we have times where we don't wanna be in the same room as them. But it's great

What I Eat In a Day

It's been awhile since I had a really well thought of post and so I decided to show you guys a little glimpse in my everyday life by what I normally eat. I've absolutely been loving "What I Eat In a Day" videos on YouTube and so I decided why not do a post of me going along with the new trend.

I actually tend to cook my own food most of the time because I don't eat pork and a lot of the times my family will cook something with pork in it, so I usually stay away. But when the food is free of pork, i'll usually eat whatever it is. 

Breakfast

I always wake up earlier than I have to (6:30 am) because I'm a morning person, and this works well for me because I have time to make breakfast and lounge around for a bit, also I can take my sweet time before I have to head out for school.

For breakfast I made pancakes topped with homemade strawberry&blueberry syrup and banana, quick note I made the berry syrup myself :) This wass soooo good, and I made the pancakes super thin *yyyuuuum*

 Lunch

Usually I will still be in school during lunch time but today I only had one class and so I had time to go home and make my own lunch. For lunch I made a Southwestern Chopped Chicken Salad. I was pretty happy with how this turned out, it was very easy to make. The only thing you had to cook was the chicken.

Ingredients

Chicken Breast

Chopped tomatoes

Cheddar Cheese

Tortilla Chips (I used doritos because I didn't have any tortilla)

Black beans

Sour Cream

Corn

Taco Mix (I made it myself because I was too lazy to go to the store)

Avocado

Sooo sorry I forgot to take a picture of it when everything was mixed together, maybe next time.

Dinner

Since my breakfast and lunch was pretty big, I wasn't really hungry by dinner time. I just went for a slice of wheat bread and the egg sandwich spread that my mom made the nigh before. I love egg sandwich, I can honestly eat like 3 slices of these. 

Snack

I'll usually have a snack when I'm still a little hungry and or when I'm waiting for the food to cook and on this day I made beans. Its soo good and healthy.

Stressed and Failing

Helllooo lovely people, it has been a loong time since I have done a blogpost and I'm blaming school for it. I have been super busy with trying to put my grades up and sadly I don't think I am succeeding... I really don't have to make this post but I just wanted to let my readers know where I've been..

This is actually my last week for lectures and next week is all for final exams... So this week is pretty much hell week with studying, writing essays, and sooo much stressing.

This semester has definitely been the craziest semester in the 2 and a half year I've been in college, I have cried sooo much during this semester, like you guys have no idea how I've been wanting this semester to end. It has become sooo bad that I have no ounce of Christmas spirit in me.... I am currently taking 4 classes and 2 of which I am failing, I'm not very happy about that because I do not want to graduate any later than I already have to... I am trying my hardest to pass all 4 of my class but I don't know what else to do...

:( 

I didn't want to bore you guys with my current situation because I know there's more serious things out there but for right now, where I am in life, It's the most important and serious thing...

Anyways, I can't wait till this semester is over so I can finally feel Christmasy!!! 

A good day in

I am a homebody type person, a hermit, a turtle!! I like to be inside rather than go out and party. I find chilling at home to be the best thing in the world, some people hate being inside the whole day and feel the need to be outside and do something//that is not a bad thing at all! People are different and that's awesome! But for me, a perfect day consists of staying in bed, tucked in my favorite duvet cover, and having nothing in my head to ruin the day.

Since I haven't had one of those is a really long time due to my crazy work and school schedule, it would be nice to write about it and somehow relive it hahaha. Sooo sit back, relax, and continue reading about what a perfect day in consists of for me.

ENJOY!

Pillows and Duvet

I have a twin bed and it is very easy to feel "cozy" on my bed because it can get warm after you pack on the duvet cover and pillows. You can't expect to have perfect day in without a comfy bed *though sometimes people chill on their couch* 

Closed blinds

When I stay inside the whole day I DO NOT like for the sunlight to get in my room whatsoever, i'd like that to stay out, please! I just find a dimmed room to feel warmer and cozy

Food

Pack on the snacks if you may, chips, ice cream, soda, cookie, chocolates! I don't like to leave my room when I'm having a cozy day in at home, so therefore I like to keep a stash of food next to my bed so I can just reach out for it. 

Netflix and ViKi

I can be on Netflix all day watching romcoms (the cheesier the better) and terribly acted horror movies. If nothing on Netflix tickles my fancy, I go on over to Viki and watch the latest Korean Dramas I have missed out on (Gong Yoo? Lee Min Ho? Ju In Sung?) Nothing better than binge watching 16 episode dramas the whole day!

Whats your ideal good day in?

Outfit Post

I haven't done an outfit post in a veeeryy long time and I figure why the heck not!

I'm sorry that the pictures aren't close enough to show the details of the outfit, it wasn't meant to be an outfit post for the blog :( but I really like how the picture turned out and still love the outfit!

Also, I have been loving the 70s style for this fall :)

Hope you guys like it

Top: Forever 21

Skirt: Forever 21

Sliders: Michael Kors

Bag: Michael Kors

Feeling down?

IT IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY TO FEEL LIKE SH*T AT TIMES!
Yes you heard me right people, it is absolutely okay to feel like nothing is going right, we all go through our very own roller coaster... Lately I went through one of those (sometimes it seems like my life is really sad because of my entries, but I promise its not that sad!!!)
When I'm feeling really down I like to read quotes, some quotes are very uplifting and some are very depressing (I don't know, I tend to read or listen to sad things when I'm sad... It usually cheers me up after hahaha)

So here are quotes to cheer you up on your next bad day :)

1) Everyday may not be good, but there's always something good in every day.

2) It's okay not to be okay, as long as you're not giving up.

3) I may not be there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

4) Sometimes when things fall apart they may actually be falling into place.

5) You are more than the mistakes you made.

6) Every day is a second chance.

7) Broken crayons still color!

8) "You can complain that roses have thorns, or rejoice that thorns have roses"

-Ziggy

9) "To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people just exist"

-Oscar Wilde

10) I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness.

11) Everything is going to be okay.

Looking back

I still remember starting this blog and was sooo afraid embarrassed about the fact that I have a blog and I would be so shy to tell people that I have a blog, also it was because in the beginning I wrote strictly about fashion and I was afraid that the people around me would make fun of me or judge me// or they might think I have no sense of style at all and had no right to talk about fashion...

And I remember when my friend found my blog and I immediately died inside and all I kept saying in my head was.....

and then he told my other friend and they looked over my stuff and started reading it allowed, and I'm like...

... and they said, "this is cool, do what you gotta do.."

Anyways, you're probably wondering why I'm writing about this, well its because I was looking over my blog the other and just really scheming through my old posts, I saw myself grow; the way I look, my content, and mostly my journey with how I look at myself. I have become so open in this blog and to you lovely people who read my blog. This blog has literally been a little glimpse into my life *i.e, why my blog is called "my life in words"* I write about my favorite lipsticks, my accomplishments, and the sh*tty things that annoyingly barge into my life.
Its like my own personal diary, except there isn't a lock so that no one sees... Instead its uploaded on the internet for EVERYONE to see! Strange

Then one day I thought to myself, "am I being too open to the people of the internet? Do they really want to know what happened at 2:30am when I couldn't open a can of sardines?" then this little voice inside of my head says, "....yes...." Yes it matters because there are other people out there who is going through the exact same thing as me. I don't know about you guys but when I come across a slump, I immediately turn to the internet and hope that there's a blog or website who talks about my situation... and that's what I want to be for other people. I have posted many things in my blog about the personal issues that I have dealt with and am currently dealing with, and in those posts I've had people voice out opinions about their own personal issue and how they came out of it// pretty sweet and nice. 

And thats my husband saying thank you and giving his killer smile... Thanks James! Love you

This blog has made me realize that people are people and we are all the same, we go through the same things. Sometimes its very easy to think that you're alone in this world and life will be forever ugly. But this blog shows how that is just not true. 

Real and Reel People Who Broke My Heart

Just a few weeks ago I wrote an entry about losing a friend... And to cheer myself up I would like to make a post about the men who have hurt me. I know that seems rather odd, like why the heck would that cheer you up Mitzee??? Well just keep reading.

In this coming up list I will tell you how these men have broken my heart... 

Okay... Ready... Set... Start

1) Will Traynor 

He broke my heart in pieces *SPOILER* when he decided to push through his plan of killing himself... Not only did he break my heart but he also broke his family and friends hearts!!!! AND Lou's heart! I honestly cried a pool of tears because of this fictional character, it was soo bad that I couldn't make myself continue reading the second book, "After You" I literally had to stop it and just say nope not today.

Look how cute they were!!!

Back to the list..

2) Brad Pitt

If you've been living under a rock then you probably didn't know that BRANGELINA is getting divorced, so technically it isn't only Brad breaking my heart in this scenario... I don't know, I loved their marriage and their sweet and beautifully blended family. Now all that is shattered into million pieces!! *affected much*

If you can't already tell I am very into celebrity gossip//well that comes from being a Journalism major.

3) Heath Ledger

His death still gets to me, like I honestly can not watch a movie of his because it would take me weeks to get over the fact he's dead... I would spend hours googling him and watching old videos of him and just wonder what it would be like if he didn't die.

4) Augustus Waters 

Okay how can I say this, his death was just so shocking. I mean I knew it would happen, but I kind of prepared myself for Hazel Grace's death not Gus'. I am not saying that Hazel should have died instead, I was just expecting it *talk about a huge plot twist* I just think they should've both been cured and made beautiful healthy babies!

5) Wentworth Miller

I first fell in love with this sexy sexy sexy man in Mariah Carey's music video We Belong Together, and ever since then I knew he was my end game! Well that was short lived because in 2013 he came out of the closet and proudly said he was gay. I am not saying it's a horrible thing to be gay because its fine, be who you are! It's just that with him coming out it meant we were never going to be together *sobbing* because I can't give him what he wants *cries in Spanish*

So that's my list...

Fall Style Hack

Who says that just because Summer is coming to end it'll mean saying goodbye to your most beloved summer essentials? Well today I will be showing you beautiful people just how to incorporate your summer must haves to your new fall must haves!

Lips

Do you have that favorite shade of Pink lipstick in your makeup bag that is very hard to say goodbye to? Well worry no more, you can still wear that lipstick by combining it with this beautiful maroon shade and creating the perfect Fall lip color.

Clothes

The one thing seems to be going around are slip dresses and pairing them with t shirts was the cool this summer. Since we are transitioning to the cooler season, you can switch out the T-shirt with a nice 3/4 sleeve shirt or a turtleneck!

(Left Picture: Pinterest)
(Right Picture: Stuff She Likes)

Boho Hats

Floppy hats were huge this Summer, they were a key look for festivals and the beach. Well, you don't have to put them away just yet because you can find ways to style them with your layered outfits. Also may I just say that Boho Hats look absolutely amazing with a beautiful Maroon shade of lipstick.

Left picture: frivolousfringe

Right picture: kadinveblog

Whats your style hacks this Fall Season?

Three Lipstick Must Haves This Fall

I don't know about you guys but Fall/Autumn is my absolute favorite season, the beautiful and different color leaves start to fall *leaves shower?* the air gets a little bit more crispier which lets us all bring out the knit sweaters and comfy blankets, and OF COURSE change our makeup routine- my most favorite, lipstick routine. Temporarily put away the coral pinks and give way to lip colors that makes you seem like you just drank one liter of Red Wine *uuhhh teeth stain NOT included* 

So without further a due, here is my top THREE fall lipstick must haves!

MAC Lipstick, Sin (matte)
This color is super dark, it is a bit tricky to wear because it is very bold. When you wear this lip color make sure the rest of your makeup is subtle, when I wear it it tends to be my "wow" factor because it is such a bold color. This is also a very Matte color, so before applying make sure to apply a lip balm before hand so it can go on smoothly.

Wet and Wild, Cinnamon Spice (matte)
This shade is 2 shades lighter than "Sin" but its just as beautiful. I absolutely love this lip color during the Fall season, I love pairing this lipstick when I'm wearing a copper color eye shadow and a winged liner, super pretty! I even wear this lipstick when I have no makeup on, it just makes me look alive and put together.

Loreal, Nature's Blush
This is the most subtle shade out of the three shades we have in this list. If you can't already tell, this lipstick is my favorite to use. The color is great with many different skin tone, my friends and I share it *I know its not very hygienic* and it looks good on their skin tone just as well as it works for me. This lipstick is the non matte lipstick in this list, it is a bit shiny so just blot it before heading out the door.

I really hope you guys enjoyed this post :)

Losing a friend

to you,

A lot of people say that friends are the family you choose... It's very true, friends become this group of people that you tell your deepest secrets to *they might even be better than diaries*. The crazy thing is, you get so close to them that you even choose them to be the maid of honor/best man at your wedding instead of your sister/brother OR you choose them to be the godparents of your child rather than your siblings or cousins... But the only sad part is unlike a family, sometimes friends drift away and things are never the same. *cries silently in the corner*

What are you suppose to do when you realize that a friendship that you've worked sooo hard on keeping suddenly falls apart? It's like watching the Jenga blocks fall right in front of you but no matter how hard you try to catch the pieces, it's still going to break. BUT the difference between the two is when you build the Jenga blocks, you know it'll collapse in  the end because you're taking important pieces out... But with friendship, sometimes its sudden.

There's many reasons why friends drift away, could be because one of you moved far, one became very busy, orrrr one just suddenly blocks you so "they can grow" *rolls eyes* 

But I've realized that the saddest thing about losing a friend is seeing them again for the first time after months of not talking and realizing that EVERYTHING CHANGED. You would hope that after not seeing each other for months, you'd jump at each other and laugh about the dumb shit that happened in the 3 months that none of y'all didn't talk. Sadly, no words were exchanged- not even a glance or a faint smile. It was like all the silly inside jokes you had before were non existent.

You say that you don't care but somehow that person always manages to come up in every conversation you have with the rest of your friends. Perhaps its the unspoken way of saying, "man I do miss her..."

-your friend

:)

Favorite jeans

A good pair of jeans is always a must in everyone's closet, everybody has that 1 pair of jeans that they know they can trust! Welp, for me it's my mom jeans from H&M. I actually where this jeans AAALLLLL the time, when I buy shirts and tops I start thinking of outfits to go with this pants... and you know what? EVERYTHING GOES GREAT WITH THEM.

Not only is it really easy to wear and pair with anything, it's also very flattering. I don't have the biggest butt, but when I wear these jeans it gives the illusion that I do hahaha (maybe that's why I like it)  but I have been in the lookout for other pairs similar to these ones, but sadly I can't find any good ones that meets this. I really want one in black too.

It's also good to invest in a bit of a prices jeans, I got these pants for $55 at H&M and for me that is a hugggeee splurge because my jeans vary from $15-$25. 

After having this pants for almost 2 years now just makes me love it even more because of the fact that they haven't started ripping *cause I wear them all the time*
 

H&M Denim

Hope you guys liked this post :) xxxx

For you ;)

A little tribute to my amazing and wonderful boyfriend. Last night was eye opening, having you around my family and seeing how you interact with them made me fall for you even more. We've been together for a long time now but you never fail to amaze me. 

We've gone through some rough times recently and yet we get through it. No relationship is easy and ours is not an exception to that, but I know our love is strong enough to get through anything.

I love you so much.